I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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