I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
