I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
3 2 1 whiskey
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
