I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
