Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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