you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
