I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Randomize
