Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
