Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
