Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
