Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
