Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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