It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so explain again why im purple
no
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
