my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
