He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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