I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
