If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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