if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
we have pet lesbian snakes
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
