I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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