Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
