Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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