Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
