hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
