Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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