hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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