she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
