Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's never too late to be topless.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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