just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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