and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
