I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
