Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
