fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She told me I should be a condom model.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
