20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
