dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
