the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
