Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
