honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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