i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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