he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
