JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
