thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
