I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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