What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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