How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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