Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I smell stomach acid.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This is my gift to your gina
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
