she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
