My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
