Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just cut my nipple shaving
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
