Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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