My friends, they love my intelligence
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
