I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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