I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
