i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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