YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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